No New Year Resolution

If I had to make one, this would be it. Being happy, at peace with myself. Such a long journey.. endless hours. Off from school this week but taught 18 classes this week in top of my own workouts. Body needs to rest. Trying to listen. Need to be healthy and strong. 

Taught so many amazing classes this week. The variety of class and population is what makes this do rewarding. Sprint at the J to warm people, people who truely embrace new challenges, BODYPUMP and Cx to my crew of regulars, and BodyVive to seniors who even in their 60’s and 70’s want to stay fit. 

In between I trained, lifted and did my own workouts. Combat last night a godsend. Really needed  a cardio, endorphin rush. With Kona at vet hospital all week and Michael’s car broken down, I was stressed. The raw energy and physical release allowed me to stay sane.

Train insane or remain the same. 
Hoping to find happiness in 2017. No resolutions. Just going to be me. Sensitive, loyal, hotmess.

Who Am I?

 Still trying to figure that out! LOL 😂 This Christmas Eva I have so much to be grateful for: 2 amazing, healthy, smart loving children, a home, 2 careers I love, and a handful of loyal, loving friends. 

Never a fan of Christmas, to many bad childhood memories. And adult ones. This year my precious Kona is at animerge. Her little kidneys not functioning properly. Can’t even describe how much this breaking my heart. I know she is just an animal but she is the sweetest, smartest, sassy, loving cat I know. And I’ve had a lot.  But we found each other for a reason. We need one another so I know she’ll pull through.

I do know what makes me happy: healthy, happy kids; training; instructing, teaching, and a of people. 

Week of highs and lows. Mixed observation. Fighting it even though overall it was rated effective because I’m not being the victim of someone else’s agenda. Finally got BodyVive certification. Hardest cert yet and probably my last. Students loving and appreciative on last day before break. There is much more but won’t go on. Missing the one thing that will complete the picture and that may never come. 

Who am I?? TBD

Trying to Unfuck Myself

• Trying to but it’s been an eternity. Truth is that I’ve always suffered from clinical depression but in the day it was never diagnosed. And those of us that suffer keep it well hidden. It comes off as being shy or aloof. 
• This weekend was a good one. Re taped BodyVive. Not sure I’ll pass but finally got it done. If I have yo retape it’s all good. 
• Also gave my first Christmas gift. A gift of love. Nothing too crazy. But tried really hard to find something that would be appreciated and used:Want nothing in return. Just friendship. And yo know how much he is loved. Can never repay all that has been given to me. 
• First Christmas really excited about. Can’t wait for kids to open gift. Hope they love it as much as I do. 

Little Things

Funny how small things can be so meaningful. Today was a testament to that. A precious FB post from my daughter about how much she needs me, a candy gram from a student which included a piece of learning from current unit of study, a momento about a Christmas gift I’m truly excited about giving, and a sweet text from a friend ensuring me that I am missed. 

Funny but not surprising. It’s a human need to be loved. Wanted. Valued. For those of us with low self esteem, these little things mean a Mean more than others realize. However, noway are they responsible for my state of being, that’s on me, but it does go a long way in terms of my self view.I am a work in progress. Perfect never. Just me. A person who loves fiercely. Is forever loyal to those loyal to me. Someone who sufferes from clinical depression and needs meds to regulate depression so that I can be the strongest version of me. No shame. Just a fact. Just me. It’s who I am. .

So small, little things mean a lot. 

Weekend Prep

When you love what you do, time spent on the weekend isn’t work. Made pump and cx playlist for tomorrow. Changed Pump completely and most of Cx. Now writing out and reviewing work plans for Tuesday Grit classes. 

Took BodyAttack for my cardio this morning then lifted. Deadlifts last of my deloading lifts this week. Next week heavy with 1RM. Rounded it out with some front squats.Feet out a little too much. But I got low. Overall a good day😊

YOLO and Gratitude

Did something very unlike me tonight. Booked a 4 day cruise to Bermuda to celebrate the kids graduations. Yolo won out over restraint. Figured it may be last opportunity to do something special with just the three of us. Both work really hard; school, jobs, and decent loving human beings. 

Tonight feeling grateful for the both of them. Extra perk is that date of cruise overlaps with my 🎈 

Determination, Persistence and Inspiration

Summer bodies are made in winter💪Trained on my own today. Not as fun but kept it real. Supper setter 30 sec ladder runs with 20lbs dumbbell shoulder presses; bicep curls, single leg bosu lunges and squats; shoulder raises and squat presses with 25lb plate. After taking Body Combat and teaching BodyPump and CXWORX. 

  I know it’s not about the aesthetics. It about the commitment and perseverance. It’s about having a goal and reaching it. It’s about continually wanting to move forward and improve. It’s about wanting to inspire and create change. But at the end of the day it’s me and Kona