Lessons

1. Fuel you body. It is a machine. It needs to be well nourished it you want optimal performance

2. Take a rest day. 3 days straight of heavy lifting followed by a heavy training day foolish. To make gains, the body needs to rest and recover. 

3. Be kind to yourself 

4. Live in the moment. No guarantee of tomorrow. Do what makes you happy. Take the risk, get uncomfortable because that is when you reap the most rewards 

5. Love your imperfections. That is what makes you, you. #perfectlyimperfect

The pic is a snapshot of today’s battle wound. Training hard. I overdid it the three days prior with no rest before today’s session. Dumb. Everything was an effort. But still grateful for session. Failure is just an opportunity to reassess and do better next time. Stil able to teach 4 classes tonight and my last, SPRINT, my best. 

Tomorrow only teaching one. At 6am. Goal is to rest. Lol. We’ll see how that goes. Did get to spend some time at pool😌

Feeling Slightly Empowered

The morning always bring clarity. Hence the pic. One of last ones I took on cruise. Amazing how the slightest yet difficult actions are liberating. Felt somewhat free today. Yes, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Again, no need to keep pouring salt into wounds. Hoping each day I realized my true worth and know I am worthy of more. But the thought still can bring me to my knees, however, no regrets. Every person we encounter teaches us something about ourself. Like anything else it’s up to the individual to learn from the experience or not. 

Moving Forward, hopefully

Took lots of picturesque photos but this sums up the last week. Clouds and light. 

Learned I’m not a cruise person. Ship lovely with lots to do. The views exquisite and service great. But didn’t like the mall like Vibe inside the ship. Got overwhelmed by size and not knowing where everything was.  To many people. My daughter’s call on first afternoon telling me she broke her glasses and couldn’t drive to meet her friends, my sister-in-law’s text the second night to tell me she couldn’t bring my mom to party because my brother fell down attic stairs and in hospital with possible concussion didn’t help with relaxing.   Facing my 49th birthday even harder. But age just a number😉

I need to work out the ways others use alcohol to get them through the day. The endorphin rush releases my negative thoughts and brings a release like no drink, drug or conversation ever can.  Did a 30 min cardio workout on elliptical and then lifted. 

So knowing me, not surprised that first thing I did when home yesterday after laundry, making beds and loading dishwasher was to hit the gym. Did day 1 of lifting program and hybrid of day 3, which I missed last week. Yes, it felt good. Others may see this as an obsession but to me it’s a a saving grace. Gym only place I feel at ease. 

Taught this morning, GRIT Strength and HIIT Cycle, and then I took BODYCOMBAT with best Les Mills instructor. Needed the rush of a hard workout. Came home and kind of napped in afternoon for a few hours.  Tomorrow, only morning for next 5 weeks I can sleep in. That means I’m in bed by 9 pm. 

Also did a difficult thing. Unfollowed on Facebook and Insta the one person whos’ opinion means the most. Can’t keep pouring salt into my wounds and need to accept that lust only takes you so far. I am ready to really move forward and do things differently. So I am. Doing things differently. Need to forgive myself of all sins.  All of them. Even most difficult one. 

Anyway, I also need to keep reminding myself that people’s social media posts are only the highlight reel. Not the whole picture. I too am guilty of that. 

Storm clouds, sun and water. 

Pic sums up my feelings pretty well. Intellectually I know I am worthy of more. But my disfuctional neediness keeps that from happening. Hence the unfollowing. Safer to keep my distance. Keep movjng forward.. always forward 

Getting Back to Blogging

I forgot that the reason I do this is for me to get stuff out.  It doesn’t matter if anyone reads it. It’s free therapy. 

Still struggling to find balance and peace. One week left of school and excited about my cruise next week. Sad it will be so short but  assuming I won’t get sea sick. Also  sad Elisabeth isn’t going. That was the reason for the splurge. To celebrate both her and Michael’s  graduations. I’m glad Lisa can come. Will be good for both of us To reconnect and chilly That being said., balance is so difficult. 

Kind of feel like spinning my wheels at school, yet I’m not. I am close and connected to a lot of students and I try to find/create activities that are meaningful but I really hate the day to day bs. I know I’m overextended by instructing before school and then after. The early mornings, rushing around, changing clothes in my car and running to my classroom to make it to homeroom on time has taken a toll.  But that brings the immediate reward; at least when I’m on. Today not so much. 

I really tried to prep but three new released in one day too much; even for me lol., the overachiever. Get so down on myself when I’m not on the top of my game because I hate disappointing those in my classes. They came to get a great workout and it’s my job to deliver. 

Morning classes ok. Messed up choreo a little in CX but Sprint good. Probably my strongest program. Thursday afternoon/ nights a challenge. This week was a soft launch at the J. New Les Mills releases presented. That meant learning BODYPUMP, CXWORX and GRIT Cardio. Made mistakes all over the place.. Minor ones in Pump that I was able to cover, only 3 new CX  tracks and did new GRIT Cardio 21 for first time tonight. The later actually went better then I thought it would. Glad to be able to do it again tomorrow.

This means tomorrow back to the starting block. Heads roiled starting with lulas’ 

Weeks like this bring my insecurities to the surface. I need to be as close to perfect as I can be. I beat myself up when I fall short. Weeks like these I compare myself to others because I think they have it more together than me, they are further ahead in their life plan, fitter, younger, and or happier than me. Know I need to step back and see things in perspective. What gets posted is always the highlight reel, not the whole picture. I/ we don’t see their struggles or self doubts. 

Urrrrg 

Took a personal day tomorrow. The justification to myself is that it’s Michael’s graduation. But not until 6 pm. Teaching GRIT Cardio 21 again in the morning and then training. Training hour long overdue. My favorite hour. So excited. Then doctor appointment and if really lucky with time a manicure. 

I also need to remember that I control my life, my future. Hence that tat pic. Got it right before my first Lee Mills training: BODYPUMP . As I looked at it the other day(mostly don’t think about because I don’t see it) it reminded me that I am capable of forging my own future. I can create my own stars ✨ in order to reach the moon. 

My plan for tomorrow is to live in each moment; to be present. To treat every challenge, physical or mental/emotional as it was my one max rep. To live with intension. 

It’s Been a While

Not really sure where to start. Kind of unraveled this spring. For no particular reason. Well there are always reasons but mostly because I’m my own worst enemy. Getting in my own way, letting my insecurities take over, allowing jealousy to keep me from just focusing on me being the strongest version of me. Not someone else. 

As school come to an end, I am again re-evaluating and self reflecting. Both my kids are ready to take on their next adventure leaving me somewhat behind. This is what I raised them to do; take flight. So now I need to ask myself, what is it I want? How am I getting there, and what is preventing me from doing it? 

Hmmm.. the latter is stated above. 

Trying to keep a list of daily affirmations. What was good about the day? What am I grateful for today? What can I improve? Start small.